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The Very Best Of German Humour

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The Very Best Of German Humour

Post by heavytread on 31/8/2013, 12:52

GERMAN JOKES

Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The police. I'm afraid there's been an accident. Your husband is in hospital.

A man walks into a pub.
He is an alcoholic whose drink problem is destroying his family.

Did you hear about the blonde who jumped off a bridge?
She was clinically depressed and took her own life because of her terribly low self-esteem.

Why do undertakers wear ties?
Because their profession is very serious, and it is important that their appearance has a degree of gravitas.

How many electricians does it take to change a light bulb?
One.

How many engineers does it take to change a light bulb?
None, it is far more efficient in both time and money to change it yourself. Failing that, ask a relative or neighbour to change it for you.

Two men are sitting in a pub.
One man turns to the other and says: 'Last night I saw lots of strange men coming in and out of your wife's house.'
The other man replies: 'Yes, she has become a prostitute to subsidise her drug habit.'

Two cows are in a field. Suddenly, from behind a bush, a rabbit leaps out and runs away.
One cow looks round a bit, eats some grass and then wanders off.

Why are there no aspirin in the jungle?
Because it would not be financially viable to attempt to sell pharmaceuticals in the largely unpopulated rainforest.

What do you get when you cross a chicken with a centipede?
A media circus about the debate over the morals and ethics of genetic engineering.

Why did the blonde get fired from the M&M factory?
Repeated absences and stealing.

A black man is going to get a vasectomy. He shows up to the doctor's office wearing a suit. The doctor says, "Why are you wearing a suit?" The black man says, "I just got back from a funeral"

What do you say to a woman with two black eyes?
"Would you like an ice pack?"

Why did the deaf man take his parrot to work?
He was weird.

_______________________________________________
"This is the end, my only friend, the end!" (Jim Morrison)

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Re: The Very Best Of German Humour

Post by ayohell on 31/8/2013, 14:42

Thank you, I nodded at most (NOT ALL)
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Re: The Very Best Of German Humour

Post by jimmylegs519 on 2/9/2013, 00:09

Man i laughed to much at that lol.

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Re: The Very Best Of German Humour

Post by SixenSix on 2/9/2013, 12:39

lol!
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Re: The Very Best Of German Humour

Post by Lord Farnswaller on 2/9/2013, 12:44

speaking of german humour where is Baron?
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Re: The Very Best Of German Humour

Post by heavytread on 2/9/2013, 12:47

Probably in his bunker planning world domination....

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Re: The Very Best Of German Humour

Post by redbaron0 on 2/9/2013, 17:27

lol p####d myself ja in dem bunker ja on tonight

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Re: The Very Best Of German Humour

Post by SixenSix on 2/9/2013, 17:42

@heavytread wrote:Probably in his bunker planning world domination....
LMFAO lol!
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Re: The Very Best Of German Humour

Post by Lord Farnswaller on 3/9/2013, 12:57

@heavytread wrote:Probably in his bunker planning world domination of the gas cooker market....
fixed for accuracy
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Re: The Very Best Of German Humour

Post by regi_mental on 21/9/2013, 19:58

Well that's my insomnia cured...
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Re: The Very Best Of German Humour

Post by ayohell on 22/9/2013, 14:26

I thought there were nein german jokes?
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Re: The Very Best Of German Humour

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